feb 15, 2026
ngl i might isolate from everything and everyone for a while
feb 10, 2026
i'm deathly sick..... it's over,............ ooohg
feb 07, 2026
omg this guy is unironically the best youtuber ever i'm obsessed with his reviews.. it started off as nice bg noise but now i've been watching him non stop for days actually paying attention to what he's saying cuz the way he talks is so engaging
feb 06, 2026
my internship ended today! forever thankful for the opportunity to work for moonlit monitors, their games are incredibly fun and although they are unfortunately disbanding their studio this month i am happy i get to say that i could work with them! 
internship recap
my expectations were quite low going into this semester tbh; i thought i would be allowed to draw a few concepts for the main artist of the team to redesign/work with if at all. i did not at all expect to be the only active artist for the final 6 months of a studio LMAO
i started out doing stupidly monotonous intern work (reorganizing their google drive..) but somehow that slowly turned into getting offered more and more important illustrative tasks. muhehe.
basically my tasks from like late september to mid november were making social media visuals, character art, concept work for their game "seed 2 l.e.a.f.", after which my "boss" and i went to a gaming convention's business days where i was allowed to listen to tons of really informative talks from professionals. i think that event genuinely finally rewired my brain to one of a concept artist cuz omg it rly isnt that hard. i need to lock in. 
we also did weekly game critiques and that genuinely changed how i look at (game) design. learning how to explain why something works (or doesn't) is such an underrated skill. same with taking feedback without taking it personally lol; once my boss trusted me enough, she asked me to think about a way to showcase all the game art theory to which i suggested a storyworld... i present to you... year of gratitude
parallel to all that, i somehow ended up being art lead on a small external project about humanoid bugs that fight for survival, it kind of sucks. however coordinating other, less experienced artists and helping them improve, thinking about direction instead of just my own drawings was HARD and yet i was able to grow as an artist and as a director??? wtf? i'm not showing any of the concepts for this project they lowkey suck but maybe one day when there's more to show
can't believe it's over and i have to go back to uni hell for another semester... writing my backelor's thesis.. wtf............. thank you for reading 
feb 05, 2026
busy day today man i feel so so so exhausted. i've barely been sleeping the past few months because my cat just loves to wake me at 5am and i'm the worlds lightest sleeper so i 1) wake up like 4 times each night and 2) when i'm awake im UP. i still love my thing. i need to draw him. watched two movies today!!! i finally watched the first mononoke movie and inu-oh.. one of them was better than the other. shh
review — mononoke the movie: the phantom in the rain (2024)
just an incredibly fun movie. i can't recommend it enough oh my god the character design is so incredibly unique and memorable, the visuals are of course beautiful and the soundtrack was made by my GOAT taku iwasaki i refuse to watch the anime because apparently it's really mid? fuck. i love htis movie i cried i love women. still i have to deduct a point because it was a bit confusing in the middle but i was really exhausted watching this so it's probably on me... 9/10 i love you. also YURI
>review — inu-oh (2021)
ok i think i didn't like this one as much because the songs aren't my thing AT ALL and 20% of the movie were just the same song? it was nice but i didn't get too attached to the characters, i do think they're incredibly well written though, the visuals are gorgeous.. yeah... awesome 7/10
i'm too tired to write more but i feel enriched
feb 03, 2026
i forgot to mention i watched no other choice! such a fun movie like i genuinely let out some giggles lol it was incredibly entertaining and well paced, i can't get the interior of the main family's home out of my head... gorgeousss. guys who actually love their wives are fun
also really geeked about bad bunny winning the aoty this year. been really into genuine reactions lately
feb 02, 2026
it's been a while i'm feeling a bit stressed and upset at the fact that i dont have enough prints for comic con. ummm i will write more tomorrow
jan 28, 2026
realizing over and over again how deeply rooted my belief in equality and stupid ass karma actually is. i've noticed that i just generally think every ounce of energy someone gives, deserves to be returned in some form at some point in time, at least if the relationship is one of respect. not even in a transactional score keeping way (at least i don't think so) but more like an unspoken balance i NAIVELY expect to exist. obviously this is an incredibly idealistic way to see the world, and i'm not pretending this rule actually applies to everything and everyone. yet still it's the lens i personally default to. jsnjnkdhjvbkjbfnm lkjvn i just perceive effort, care, attention, and emotional presence as things that should circle back eventually.!!! when they don't i feel it more than i probably should. i often hold onto small, mostly harmless grudges that never really leave my head even if they would NEVER turn into confrontation or resentment on the outside. i'm honestly not even that strict about it in practice as most of this plays out internally and ends in nothing more dramatic than my own sadness, and if it bundles up in the end it will result in a breakdown. it's exhausting to constantly notice what feels uneven.
and the crazy part is! i dont actually want to think this way! i don't want to measure energy or feel let down when it isn't mirrored! it seems like most people don't operate like this, and sometimes i envy that. i wish i could be cooler about it as in more detached cuz i NEED to be less emotionally invested in the idea that things should be fair or returned. i wish i cared less, or at least cared more selectively. but for now this belief sits with me and it's stubborn forever
jan 22, 2026
i've been having more and more nightmares relating to my crippling FOMO lately and they're oftentimes so nasty i carry the sadness they bestow upon me into the day with me since at the end of the day they do represent real feelings. i need to go find therapy for this.
vitya playlist
jan 17, 2026
it's been a while and i have no excuses except i was too lazy to update... but i am doing better! mentally at least; my circulatory issues have been getting worse again and i am trying my best to get my eating habits back in order. i find it to be quite difficult to keep track of when i last ate? i hope i'll manage. i am really happy about my steel ball run fanart blowing up on twitter, i can't believe only january and i might have already posted my best work of the year lol. anyways here is my mind game review that i've been talking about for ages now
review — mind game (2004)
contains spoilers probably as always
first things first, i would like to point out that the animation in this movie was — as expected from masaaki yuasa — fantastic and so lively. the style is all over the place,, in a very intentional way! handdrawn stuff, 3d stuff, photo stuff, color shift stuff.. some of it feels dated now but that made the movie so much better for me. the designs of some characters were super cool! (some not so much.... we'll get to it later). i loved how expressive the main character was and how insufferable he felt across the entire movie, i hope that was the point. if anything it adds to the scrappy, experimental vibe. a couple scenes really stood out, like the swimming/dance sequence, which was oddly peaceful and beautiful before going completely over the top.
theme wise it's pretty bluntly about your life choices and causality, and the idea that life might not really “end” in a clean narrative sense. which is fine, i think this is an interesting topic but it wasn't presented in a narratively interesting way if you know what i mean? i mean it was cool. thats it yk
that said, the movie definitely feels like it comes from a VERY male perspective. the crude humor and gaze made parts of it uncomfortable, and while it's incredibly inventive it still feels like stepping into a guy's fantasy in a way that doesn't always sit right. the female character designs just felt like a male gaze creepy fantasy, i think this is an issue i have with a lot of yuasa's works? it just irks me. but yeah the parts i loved most were the opening and ending sequences which felt the most honest and genuinely cinematic and i LOVED the shifting god design, it was so so so good and fun and somehow god was the most relatable character for me. all in all......... 6/10 is a fair score imo. technically incredibly impressive in service of nothing revolutionary
jan 9, 2026
still struggling quite a bit, i don't know if i'm cut out to be an artist. i hate that i need reassurance and compliments to keep drawing it sucks. i wish i could just draw because i'm passionate about it which right now i'm not. i hate being dependent on other people, still no mind game review, i don't have it in me rn
jan 8, 2026
really not doing too good.. i'm struggling a lot with confidence again and feeling really touchstarved both emotionally and physically. i need to remember to review mind game today, i hope i have some motivation legt after work. sad day i feel like carving my skin off i'm very lonely
jan 6, 2026
woke up feeling sick but i have so much work to do... i need to drag my ass to uni so i can at least work without much distraction cuz i keep wanting to spend time with my kitty or playing genshin at home KILL ME NOW
here's some ootds of the winter so far, the coat has bunny ears... it's perfect
i also added a guestbook tab for you guys to leave comments and i got so many sweet ones already... i love my friends thank you guys
jan 5, 2026
last month of my internship starts today... i can't believe it's already been 4 months? i need to make a little reflection post now that i think about it... a few things were learned. so glad i got to work within a sweet little team of (more or less) professional gamedevs as a concept artist and illustrator lalallllalalaa
also hopped on the square icon trend on twitter who up
jan 2, 2026
already said this to a few people but i can't stop thinking about the little wristwatch atsuko had in paprika she had the watchface on the inside of her arm and the way she pulls down her sleeve to glance at it rewired my brain i believe. i deeply crave a pretty little wristwatch now.. sae nijima did the same thing in persona so i think it was a sign from the universe
same day, just way later
i just watched fallen angels (1995) drunk... awesome experience i am still drunk and i'm not sure what to write as a review,,, incredible movie, 9/10, the visuals were my favorite, i couldnt connect with some of the characters well... ice spice is on this movie too so
jan 1, 2026
ahh happy new year... spent NYE at home with drinks and one person around to keep each other company and we decided to watch the 2025 netflix frankenstein movie. THIS HOWEVER deserves a more fleshed out review because i've seen everyone glaze it and unironically had not heard an ounce of criticism anywhere? which was probably on me but. anyway
review — frankenstein (2025)
okkk i gave this movie a 5/10 listen.
good: jacob elordi's acting was really enjoyable and sympathetic, the costume and environment design were mostly awesome.
bad/weird: the lighting sometimes made practical effects look like CGI (like the creature looked cgi sooo often!!!!) and in certain scenes, the lighting just felt off in general; especially in outdoor daylight scenes it looked pretty bad. like why am i watching a tripadvisor ad. also the oscar isaac and mia goth's acting... i don't know man mia just didnt have the right presence for the role of a more noble woman? and it was really fucking hard to understand what she was saying at times. overall i found both of their performances kind of lacking. the narrative was sometimes a bit weird aswell (mainly the inconsistencies in frankenstein's attitude toward the creature). agh idk. it's a shame.
additional ramble:
i had kinda hoped i'd be swept away by del toro's vision from what i'd heard about the movie, but the floating camera/badly lit shots just kept pulling me out of the immersion lol. after being impressed by the production design for about 15 minutes the slow ass narrative locked in but kind of lost me, until jacob elordi brought it back in the second half. DONT GET ME WRONG there's a lot to appreciate, but the way it was all put together just felt kind of weak and way too literal ESPECIALLY THE PART WHERE THE CREATURE SAYS 'victor. YOU are the monster.' STOOOPPPPP i literally teared up from how speechless i was afhwkdjqk
dec 29, 2025
been watching so much one piece im deeply obsessed with the accuracy of the german dub.. we're at episode 300 now and i rarely get tired of it LOL i think i want to make a bunch of one piece phone charms for comic con next yearrr. me when the anime that gets called the GOAT constantly is actually goated
OH YEAH my friends and i watched “in the mouth of madness” today; i'm contemplating whether i have enough thoughts about it to write a fleshed out review… i don't think it'd be interesting enough apart from the fact that i would have liked the movie just a bit more if the gross slimy scary monsters had not been shown… it took away a lot of the suspense for me which is a shame cuz i rly liked the rest of the movie—so absurd! 8/10!
dec 29, 2025
ok im finally back home! i literally fell to my knees seeing my cat greet me in the hallway bro my legs feel SO WEAK? idk what that wretched place has done to my body but i feel like i'll need a week to recover. in other news— i got a super cute coat and lots of albums and a new bag for christmas, along with a bunch of money which i can use to produce my merch... im genuinely amazed that i didn't entirely lose my feeble mind over the holidays i forget i am the oldest cousin out of 8 and i had to babysit the 4 youngest ones for hours. worth it for all the money i got for it lalala!!!!!
dec 25, 2025
ah... started playing genshin again around a month ago and got c1 xilonen and mizuki which is so awesome i just hope i get columbina too next month??? i have 25 wishes saved up for her and no 50/50 so i'm just betting on my luck now PRAY FOR ME
in other news i got invited to illustrate for a ttrpg zine my friends have been working on for over a year now and i'm so excited, i just hope i can make it look good
dec 24, 2025
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! 
iii rewatched the first two madoka magica movies today, hopefully i'll manage to watch rebellion today as well! i made a witchsona while watching lol... i based it on my persona's preexisting design and worked on her from there, i also wrote a corny little backstory for her and tucked all of it away in her profile right here:
i'm so excited for gifts this year lalala but i have to remember that i'm not just here to dillydally but actually wanted to produce some more merch stuff for our local comic con next year. i still want to make some original stuff and one piece merch so i need to lock in while i'm not distracted at home.
dec 23, 2025
i'm gonna start making comics to showcase my momentary miseries better. here's how i sleep at my mom's place
dec 23, 2025
spending christmas with my family as one does and i think i might be getting sick LOL i've been here for one day bro. no wonder though, the train ride here yesterday took 2 hours longer than it should've and i had to wait in the cold for ages bro. well i'm not complaining i guess; i hope it gets worse so i don't have to visit my dad's side of the family.. i really miss my cat and my friends man idk how i'm supposed to survive this. it's really isolating and it's already started gnawing on my mental wellbeing, am i weak for that? why am i so easily affected by stupid things like this. i wanna at least try to make the most of all this. i started playing persona 5 royal today and i watched paprika yesterday, 2 things i've been meaning to start for a while and now that i have the time i'm trying to watch/play as many things as i can ^^
review — paprika (2006)
i gave the movie a 8.5/10 in my head, i think it definitely deserves that rating... its chaos kind of took longer to understand than i had expected, however i don't have an issue with that lol; satoshi kon is fascinatingly good at writing women with alter egos/DID what's up with that???? the animation was captivating and fun to watch, i loved all the characters (paprika just like me fr. konakawa was great too) and the chase sequences were SO thrilling and visually stunning! i think it could've edged closer to a 9 if there were a slightly stronger human core story instead of letting the surrealism completely take center stage. that's entirely my opinion though i'm crazy ok
what really stuck with me afterward was how the characters (and the movie in general) blur the boundary between dreams and reality without ever clearly stitching it back together. it sometimes took me way longer than it should've to realize a character was just talking nonsense LMFAO oh and of course the soundtrack has been stuck in my head since i watched it, i fucking love you susumu hirasawa.
i think i also need to mention how i had the misfortune of having to watch it in german with my family and the dub was okay ish as expected. it kind of ruined the experience for me because all of the characters talked like they had google translated the japanese script without worrying about making them sound human. i mean ok i get it they're scientists but the sentences were sometimes phrased weirdly to the point where i questioned myself (and still do) because maybe i was just too tired to pay proper attention yesterday but i could've SWORN their vocabulary was too formal... like how explanatory sentences in schoolbooks are phrased yk?
i guess what i'm trying to say is that i gotta rewatch it asap lest i lose all memories of it at once
dec 20, 2025
realizing that i only consume a lot of stuff for its effects and i barely actually savor eating/drinking... it's especially obvious with coffee but also drinks and just food in general; idk if this is disordered thinking but i only ever eat when i get so hungry that it's more of a nuisance to not eat, and even then i just default to toast. food is fuel to me as i am but another cog in the machine... it's all just a means to an end to me and i rly wanna change that.... it feels like i'm just checking off a task on a list lol. this changes when i'm with friends though, when i'm among others i get hungry so much faster and all of the sudden it's so easy to get up make something bro if my friends ever told me they felt that way i wouldn't hesitate to come over and cook for them. i just never extend that same urgency to myself though and i'm sure it's just because i generally have issues with tending to my own needs. i lowkey just don't gaf
dec 16, 2025
laughing my ass offff i started working on a really cute project with my boss this month and got super excited to illustrate for it now i got fucking tendonitis today........ i'm left speechless once more...
dec 12, 2025
emotionally recovering from horrible horrible things. i keep getting stuck on how hard it is to force myself to draw as if it hasn't always been like this for me. like i do want to, i think about it all the time, but actually starting feels undoable. it sucks because even when i do draw i think abt how i should've just dropped out instead of pushing through and graduating when i still had the energy to do anything. it feels like i used up whatever momentum i had on finishing school and now i'm mid bro i'm washed as hell. recently it's gotten a bit better but i can feel how that phase is wearing off now.
dec 08, 2025
i finally got my business cards printeddd yay... they're so cute i'm excited for comic con next year AND i'm lowkey getting cash money thanks to my commissions... all that people want is minimal animation in their chibis bro all is well lowkey
dec 03, 2025
spotify wrapped bro just kill me. something happened within me this year and it starts with ry and ends in den. (p!atd top artist haver) but i think the worst part is poster boy being my top song girl bye... i dont even know him like that...
nov 30, 2025
animated for the first time in a hot minute this week because i found a song that makes me want to live and went christmas shopping for my friends which yielded absolutely fucking nothing. i'm upset because i know damn well my friends are about to get me the cutest gifts ever and i got nothin on me man. i can't just keep giving them handmade shit either ik people say it's better than just buying random bullshit but on everyone's soul it's lame as fuck
nov 24, 2025
starting off on a lighter note today ^^; i really need to watch more movies.. my topsters getting old i need new fun stuff. i want to watch the rest of satoshi kon's movie argh
oh tampopo i love you so dearly... contender for best movie ever made. i might be biased because movies that have a few bizarre erotic moments just do it for me. however i just think the topic of food and hunger being the one universal language of every creature in the universe has sooo much potential and tapopo shows it perfectly AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT it's visually gorgeous and has a lovable protagonist AND deuteragonist THAT DON'T END UP GETTING TOGETHER IN THE END. let's all just dance and run around in endless grass plains
another fav movie of mine is chungking express but it didn't make the list this time. let's see how i feel about it in liKE month or two
nov 17, 2025
finished today, couldve gotten it done in 3 hours but started slacking and eventually forgot. only remembered again because i feel the need to complain so i will.
i've been reflecting a ton, mostly circling back to the past year or two and thinking about all of it from different angles... realizing who i used to think i was, and coming to terms with the fact that i was a coward in many many ways and i was rly trying to escape girlhood rather than accepting and confronting it lol, it#s all left me feeling really angry and maybe even a little more sadistic in how i think and observe now. trying to put all of this into words now feels almost entirely impossible bruh the moment i try to make it coherent it slips away from me. i genuinely dont think a single week has gone by where i haven't been reminded, of how little men think of me and of other women in general. it's been a constant awareness of being looked down on and subtly ruled over as if i couldn't possibly know what i like or what i don't still stops me in my tracks every time it happens. the reality check never softens and it honestly blows me away each time lolll.
it's exhausting to notice how often i'm expected to shrink my certainty and to secondguess my likes and dislikes? and even now or every time i start talking about it like this, i feel hysterical in a way that's just SOOO EMBARRASSING. like talking plainly about misogyny and the patriarchy or about how pervasive and intimate it all is immediately turns me into and SJW. i can hear it in my own head sometimes telling me I'M being hysterical oe that i should calm down even though NOTHING im thinking is untrue or exaggerated. it's infuriating to realize how effective that conditioning is!!!!!!! and yet the irony is that this hysterical state feels like the most honest i can ever be. i wish every girl in the world could just stop numbing themselves to it all.
and yet all of this doesn't mean i'm the number one feminist misandrist whatever i still fall for all of it it's really sad and hypocritical man
nov 15, 2025
annual attempt at creating a private space that doesn't stress me out as other social media do. this time i just stopped giving a fuck about looks since in the end it's for me and my friends to see. i guess